Memory to Hold
by Princess Illina
Summary: Akatsuki's feelings as he carries Ruka to her room.


**Hello hello again everyone! I'm so sorry I haven't been writing anything for so long. Well, I'm back for now anyways, with a very short story here. Hope you like it. **

I finally show my face as Ruka's body goes as limp as a piece of seaweed. I have been hiding round the corner a little too long already, and besides, it's not as if Kaname-sama was unaware of my presence.

My gaze immediately travels – and remains fixed – on Ruka's body slumped over Kaname-sama's arms. There is nothing outstanding about this scene; of course not. But somehow, for reasons I don't wish to ever acknowledge, it hurts me. It hurts so much.

Kaname-sama simply eyes me quietly and dispassionately as I stride towards him, struggling to keep a grip on my wild emotions. He doesn't seem to _feel _anything about Ruka at all, nothing, as if she were just another pawn in his never-ending games.

Without a word, I gently take Ruka's limp body into my arms. She is almost like a doll, a beautiful, ethereal, yet lifeless and frail figure. Her long, soft brown hair trails over my arms and hangs downwards, and her head fits so perfectly against my shoulder. It's the first – and possibly last time that I will ever hold her like this. As I stare down at her body, I have to remember to breathe normally.

"Just take her and go."

I tear my gaze away from Ruka and boldly stare at Kaname-sama straight in the eye, letting him know everything I feel. "Kaname-sama," I say, as calmly and coolly as I can manage, "I can never expect you to return Ruka's feelings. But I assure you, if you ever hurt her, _I will never forgive you for it! _

Kaname says nothing for a short while, and turns to stare at the window behind him. I watch as he presses his hand against the glistening glass pane, slowly streaking his fingers downwards. Bright scarlet liquid – Ruka's blood, follows the trail of his long fingers.

"It's fine." Kaname-sama's voice is so quiet that I can barely hear him. "It's fine if you never forgive me."

Without a word, I turn away and carefully carry Ruka to her room, laying her down on the bed. This is the time to leave. I know I should leave her there and simply walk away, but somehow, I am too weak to summon the will to do so. Instead, I find myself standing by her bed and staring down at her.

"You're an idiot, you know," I mutter, taking one of her tresses in my fingers and twisting it around, as I lean down towards Ruka. Her hair is surprisingly soft, like brown silk. "And so am I."

There is so much I wish I could say to her now, while her ears remain closed. How much I have loved her for so long. How much I just wish she would think of me as more than just a friend. And, above all, how much I just want her to be happy and loved. But I cannot. There are words that one is never meant to say.

I have already passed the point of no return. It is too late to stop myself. Eyes closed, I lean in towards Ruka's face and plant a kiss on her forehead, very gently. This is about the most intimate moment I have shared with her, and I have no doubt whatsoever that it will be the last. I feel the warmth of her lingering on my lips, and as I pull back at last, I almost believe that this can surely be nothing more than an ethereal dream. But my flushed face, my wildly beating heart, the odd heat permeating my body convinces me that this is reality.

By now, it is more than I can bear. If I stay here just one moment longer, I will probably do something I will regret for the rest of my life. I have already gone too far, and I am not proud of myself. But no matter what, I will always remember this moment. This is a memory to hold, and as long as I live, I will remember.

With a last backward glance, I leave the room and shut the door behind me.

**You know how's there one scene in the manga where Akatsuki ****has to carry Ruka to her room and he kisses her as she's unconscious? Well, this story was more or less based on that scene (with a few tweaks), since I loved it so much. **


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